School, Anne Frank, & Dating

Here I am, a few days from Tech for Anne Frank, and I am feeling a little burnt out. Not necessarily from working on the show, but just from the combination of things I am trying to do at once. I only have one challenging class, History of Theatre, but I am already stressed about my first paper proposal. It is only a page but I can’t seem to think about anything from ancient Greece or Roman theatre that I want to write about.

I did just finish my Canyoneering class. That was a nice break for a weekend. We went down near Hanksville. I enjoy rappelling, though I found the dynamic rope quite challenging. After the class ended my brother, Corbin, our friend Mat, and I went and rappelled into Fry Canyon. It had water in it and we had a good time shortening the rope so we would hit the end of it several feet above the water. We would let go and fall in. It was great times. The whole class was fun, including being lost on the plateau above the canyons in the dark the first night. I hope to get pictures of the trip from my brother soon. There is one that makes me look like I am a bodybuilder.
I was really stressed about “The Diary of Anne Frank” (I am the lighting designer) but once the lights started being hung and focused I started getting excited. There is still a little stress, though, and that isn’t helping. I believe it will look really good, though, I have not disappointed myself yet. Heck, I lit “Topdog/Underdog” with 5 lights, and it looked great. I am really excited about Anne Frank because it is already such a powerful story, everyone know what it is about. That really gives me the opportunity to help the audience feel mood. I have built my plot to do that. There is so much potential in this show, I have a lot of work to do.

My next show is Shakespeare’s “A Winter’s Tale.” The director is Michael Barakiva. He has been great to work with so far. That is a rare occasion for a guest director. There have been big problems with the guest directors for the last few years. It is different working in an educational setting, maybe they don’t realize that. I am however a little overwhelmed by the set, it is all curtains and at times drapes up across the grid. It will make my lighting a little challenging, I will have to put in a lot of preparation. That is challenging because I have to submit my plot before I am done with Anne Frank.

The biggest stresser I have had is trying to date. I am starting to discover why it is so hard for me. A couple of Sundays ago we had a large family party, but I was having a hard time getting into it. I had drunk a couple of Cokes, and my heart sped up as a result. I started to realize that the irritability and overwhelming out of control feeling I was having was anxiety. In an attempt to get through it I went to my room and started looking up information on anxiety. I believe I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. So why is that important? I often feel incredible stress when I try to talk to girls, or just groups in general. I am not a huge partygoer, for that reason. At least I now know what my problem is. I hope to improve.

I have been on a lot of dates. I always seem to talk myself out of being interested in them, or dating girls I wasn’t interested in in the first place. Such a great self destructive behavior. I guess too that I didn’t really want to be in a relationship. Don’t know why, though sometimes I am afraid of messing it up. I am ready to try whatever I need to now, I just wish I had a better idea of what that is.

Hopefully I will get a chance to post next week during Anne Frank.